Van + stars

My 7 aims for 2016.

Last year was tough.

It was so tough, that I didn’t write any resolutions or plans, because I couldn’t divert any outward energy to them, and didn’t feel I was able to write candidly without self-censoring. So I wrote no plans.

This year I’m going to try to be more transparent – my current aims for this year are something like:

  • Find someone who’ll love and support me, and let me love and support them.
    • So we can explore our journeys together.
  • Ingest as much information and knowledge about relationships in whatever forms I can: books, talks, audiobooks etc.
    • So I understand more, and at least know where to look if I need to quickly develop skills I don’t have, which help me be a better partner.
  • Improve and polish the van to make it more desirable to live in
    • So that it’s more polished, more comfortable and could grace the pages of insufferable lifestyle magazines.
  • Get fitter by doing more hiking & climbing
    • So I feel physically & technically fit enough to consider more outdoor challenges.
  • Travel, explore and see the country (and others).
    • To see the world from different perspectives
  • Learn Javascript programming and AngularJS so I can build simple web apps.
    • So I can play around with building ideas that might make other people happy
  • Figure everything else out.
    • So there are answers to the unanswered questions in my life.

This is a snapshot (accurate only on the day it was posted) of constantly evolving plans. If I decide that one of those isn’t so important, it may be removed, changed etc – and that’s ok.

So here’s one last thought, if you’re able to help me take any small footsteps towards getting closer to any of those goals: recommending, suggesting, encouraging, supporting etc. then you’ll be helping me with exactly what I want to be – and I’ll be incredibly grateful.

If that’s anything I can do to support you then I’d love to know, to see what I can do – I appreciate you taking the time to read this. :)

This is where we are, this is where we're going

Build Open and Honest Relationships With Communication

This is a post from my My 20-day Zappos + Buffer Values Challenge

“Build Open and Honest Relationships With Communication”

This is a tough one to blog about, because anecdotes, by definition – no matter what the nature of the relationship, is always going to be very personal – between me and them. It’s kind of a shame, because anecdotes about open communication are often some of the best, but I’m struggling to think of any I want to write about online!

Great communication isn’t just about making sure everything you just said is understood, but about making sure you understand the other person’s position, and making sure you’re both working towards the same goal.

It’s not too complicated really though; the best relationships – working, personal, families, friendships – whatever the context, are ones that involve being honest, and clear, and proactively communicating things. Often it can be that you’re fearful of how someone might respond to something, and actually the fear is completely unjustified.


I guess a good example my be in the context of a mountaineering expedition. There’s two of you, presumably friends, in a remote place seeking to climb a thing.

Communication is the key – if you need a rest, you need to explain you need a rest (as opposed to just sitting down), if your partner needs a rest, giving them an opportunity to tell you that (because you’re walking next to them, rather than 500m in front) will work best.

If your partner feels that you’re taking too many rests, or is concerned about the progress you’re making a team, they can make things better by saying so. Often the most difficult things to say are things like this: “I feel we’re not making enough progress. Is there anything I can do to make things easier for you? Can I carry something perhaps?”

This is where we are, this is where we're going
This is where we are, this is where we’re going

You might be in situations where one person can speak a local language, and the other cannot, and so in a conversation where the linguist was negotiating a meal, he might choose the appropriate moment to relay that on to his friend, to give his friend confidence in the situation. After a while, they might trust each other enough to know that the linguist would do the talking, whilst the other person did something else – but only once they’d built up some trust between them.


Learning to communicate, under pressure, in a non-confrontational, problem-solving way like that is a fantastic skill.

Often, if you communicate clearly about how you’re finding things, and what your thoughts are – particularly when it comes to fears, worries, nerves, frustration – then as a team you can work on them to solve them. Often the things that seem like a big deal, once communicated openly, are actually nonissues.

Sometimes there are issues, but communicating well (and in some cases over communicating – reiterating and saying things that may not be necessary, just in case they are) can make things much easier – because you’ll both respect the others ease of communication, and honesty and frankness.

Often other people aren’t as good at communication as you, so you can help them, and help your relationship with them by offering them lots of opportunities to tell you their thoughts. In a mountaineering context, you might ask your slow walking friend how they were finding it, or where they were looking forward to reaching.


Communication is the key to all social units of people. Learn about communicating, and how you can do it, and you’ll get good at building relationships surprisingly quickly.

Happy Valentines Day – xkcd loves you!

Woo, it’s Valentines day!

(also known as “single people be lonely day“, “puke at people’s facebook status day“, “don’t try to eat out at a this evening resturant day“, “bad colour schemes day” and a plethora of other things!)

xkcd can, once again, neatly sum up my take on it:

The worst resolution to the Valentine Prisoner's Dilemma when YOU decide not to give your partner a present but your PARTNER decides to testify against you in the armed robbery case.
(c) xkcd 2012 - CC-BY-NC 2.5

This is what I was thinking again and again:

I don’t want to be a consumer tool or and Inconsiderate jerk.

Of course, once you’ve got to that point, you’ve already overthought the whole thing, panicked, and stapled your hand to your face, again. Gah. I must stop doing that!